Average Joe In The House. sKy

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER A PIECE OF BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No stock.
Singaporeans: Paiseh, no more.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?
Singaporeans: Hello, siang kar pajer?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me.
Singaporeans: Oei, siam leh!

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No need lah.
Singaporeans: Oh, thank you ah!

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (Pointing to the door) Can ar?
Singaporeans: Nothing. They don't even ask. They wait for people to say, "hey you can't go in!"

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy lah.
Singaporeans: Oei, don't anyhow touch my things leh!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?
Singaporeans: Knn, where's my money?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Doe-waaaaan.
Singaporeans: Same as Malaysians, just that we do it 10 times.

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err, Tom. I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad ar?
Singaporeans: Please lor! Where got like that one? Don't talk cock can?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice. I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!
Singaporeans: Kaobeh lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
Singaporeans: Diao simi diao? (Makes a phone call to gather his brothers)

WHEN ASSESING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die lah!
Singaporeans: (Nothing. They give up.)

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: What happened? Why lidat?
Singaporeans: What the FUCK just happened man?

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here let me show you.
Malaysians: Oei! You pig ar! Lidat also don't know how to do.
Singaporeans: Nb lah! You do this for what!?

WHEN SOMEONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me?
Malaysians: Go away lah!
Singaporeans: !@#$%^&*()

Just something to lighten things up. I got this joke from someone, but I added the Singaporean version of it.